Listening to the Big Kahuna

You want to hope for something better than what you have right now, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be hoping. But then, you forget that you have it all right now anyway, and you don’t know it. Anthony de Mello

Lately I've been sitting for 20 minutes every day, praying that Spirit, God, Source express itself through me in whatever way it needs to. I surrender my desires, my beliefs and my longing on the altar and let go into emptiness. Then I'm very careful to watch what comes next. The universe very clearly reveals the answer moment by moment -- if I'm willing to listen.

What I see is that when I try to manipulate the world around me into what "I" want (and it's not in alignment with Spirit), what I get back is a loud "No!" The result is more suffering. If I still don't listen (and I usually don't), then the "No" ratchets up until I finally get hit on the head by a 2 X 4. (I mean, how many times do I have to hear that no on wants to publish a spiritual memoir before I get it?)

At this point there is no choice but to surrender -- to admit that "I" am not the one in charge here. This may sound like giving up, but in truth it's letting go into the limitless power of creation. When the realization comes that "I" don't do anything, this is where the real power comes from.

In order to come to this place of freedom, I have to be willing to let go of my old beliefs, which for me is the ego-fueled desire to be a "well-known" writer or an "awakened" teacher (just as I had to so painfully let go of being the "famous" director of a retreat center). I'm surprised to see that what "I" wanted (fame, success, enlightenment) was based on old beliefs I had grabbed on to twenty years ago. They no longer have any relevance to who I am now.

Like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, a new form is gradually emerging. It's so new and unfamiliar that I have trouble recognizing it. In order to see it, I have to open my eyes to what is right in front of me. Every day I am being told exactly what I need to hear (if I am willing to listen); every day I am getting direct feedback on how others perceive me, (if I am willing to hear). I have no idea where all this is leading -- the most I can do is to allow space for the new to be born.

The point of power is in the present, as I jump from the known into the unknown.

I invite you to jump in with me!

Always love, RK