Neat and Tidy

Our greatest fear in life is not the fear of death; it’s the fear of loss of control. Adyashanti

Oh, how I’d like my life to be “neat and tidy.” I’d love it to be comfortable, secure, and predictable; I’d love everything to stay just the way it is forever. This, I realize, is a set up for suffering—my own suffering.

I live on Maui. Five years ago I designed and built my home with love and care. Now I’ve finally got it just the way I want it—neat and tidy. The home theater system works, my work space is a delight, even my closet is organized. I’ve worked hard at simplifying my life to keep it even more neat and tidy. I have a catchment system to harvest water from the sky; I have solar power, so that I pay almost nothing for electricity; I have a wonderful community of friends around me; I have my nice routines—swimming in the ocean most days, doing Qi Gong twice a week, meeting with friends at Colleen’s for breakfast.

Ah, now I can sit back and relax!

Well, life, as we all know, isn’t always neat and tidy. Sometimes it’s chaos . . . debilitating, mind-numbing chaos.

A year and a half ago my wife Linda died suddenly after a long illness; a few months later I met the new love of my life Susan, who I plan to marry. Now I’m about to risk everything I own to buy a home with Susan. I’ll be leaving my home, my community, my friends, my familiar surroundings. My world has once again been turned upside down. So much for being neat and tidy.

I know that if I resist change I’ll suffer. How can I move through this gracefully?

The challenge as ever, is to accept everything as it is. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I crash and burn. Either way, all is well. These beautiful words from the Ashtavakra Gita come to mind:

If you wish to be free,

Know you are the Self,

The witness of all these,

The heart of awareness.

Set your body aside.

Sit in your own awareness.

You will at once be happy,

Forever still,

Forever free.